Hey, ya'll, I feel like I've been gone forever (about 12 days to be exact) and it's so nice to be back. I can only imagine what you've had to do to entertain yourselves in my absence.

As far as the absence goes, I encourage you to let your imagination run free in order to figure out where exactly I might've been this whole time. In the mean time, we've got a lot of catching up to do. Um...

Okay, well, maybe there's not that much catching up to do.

Since we last spoke, I began a Twitter campaign to get B.J. Novak—actor/writer on The Office—to follow me. I have, as of this moment, decided to call the movement OccupyBJ. Today is officially Day #13. As of yet, Mr. Novak has chosen not to acknowledge either myself or the OccupyBJ movement. Feel free to go on Twitter and apply some pressure. And if you're wondering what it's all about, well, I'll save that for a later post.

I enjoyed quite a bit of the Twilight Zone marathon on Thanksgiving, before tolerating The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1. As for the Twilight Zone, I watched, among other episodes, "To Serve Man," which, now that I think about it, could've been an alternate title for Inside the Outside. And as for Breaking Dawn, I found it to be, all in all, pretty harmless. I was, however, disappointed to find that none of the vampires in Breaking Dawn sparkled, despite the story being set on a Brazilian island. Apparently there isn't much direct sunlight in Brazil.

Speaking of vampires, I made some significant headway in my vampire novel during my hiatus. I am, as of this writing, twenty-nine chapters (roughly 60,000 words) into my new novel. I'm so excited about the new novel and wish I could tell you more about it, but, for now it's sort of top secret—except, of course, for the vampire part. The novel is on pace to be around fifty chapters, so, at this point, it's more than halfway done.

My goal is to have it published by the end of 2012 or the beginning of 2013. Of course, if the Mayan calendar has anything to say about it, I'd best get this book done before December 21, 2012.

I've done quite a few cool interviews for "10 Questions for..." that I'll be posting over the next couple of weeks. You can also look forward to a number of new posts in "Books That Aren't Mine," as I've been doing a lot of reading lately. Unfortunately, my absence has interfered with my screenwriting project with Greg, but you can soon expect to see some new updates in the "ADAPTING INSIDE THE OUTSIDE" series.

And I guess that's about it. Until we meet again...

On a lazy Friday afternoon in the middle of August, just 10 years into the new millennium—by which I mean, yesterday—I joined Twitter.

It was a big day for me, joining Twitter. And my life hasn’t been the same since. Mainly because, before yesterday, I wasn’t a tweeter (is “tweeter” even the appropriate noun? For an English professor, I’m not really much of a grammarian). I wasn’t really sure I saw the point in it. But, as an author, it occurred to me (as it has to a couple million other artists looking to bring awareness to their work) that Twitter might very well be something I should look into.

Since yesterday—which, again, was my first day on Twitter—I’ve tweeted exactly eight times. Is that too much? Not enough? Seriously, I have no idea. Of those eight, half are original tweets, while the other half are re-tweets. And as of this blog post, I am following 103 tweeters. Is that appropriate? Am I entering obsessive stalker category? Or am I underachieving? As for followers, I’ve acquired 13 since yesterday. Am I lighting the world on fire? Or should I be horribly ashamed?

While my primary purpose for being on Twitter is to bring attention to my writing, I don’t want to be the asshole who only promotes stuff. But when it does come time to slip a shameless plug into Twitter, do I couch it in what appears to be a 140-character witticism or is that an insult to the collective intelligence of the Twitterverse?

In fact, if it hasn’t become clear enough already, the primary purpose of this particular blog post is to write about Twitter simply so I can tweet it. In this way, I told myself, I could tweet a link to my website, thereby promoting myself, but because the medium by which I would be delivering it would be directly related to said link, it would shield me from any perceived doucheiness.

Now, of course, you may be thinking: If he tells us what he is trying to get away with, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of trying to get away with it? The answer, of course, is yes. I have, in fact, defeated my own purpose. And, you may be glad to hear, I’ve done so out of respect for you. I knew, long before I hatched my scheme, that you were too smart to fall for it. Therefore, I decided to fill you in on it. In this way I’d be offering a nod and a wink in your direction, my subtle little way of making you aware of my awareness of your awareness.

But, more than that, it is my attempt to appeal to your sense of ethos. I want to show you that I am an honest guy. I’m not here to pull the wool over your eyes. I’m not trying to get away with anything. If I say it, you can believe it. So let me be even more upfront with you: Not only am I writing a post on my website for the sole purpose of promoting myself on Twitter, but I’ll also be posting this very same link on Facebook. So, yes, I’ll be engaging in a virtual orgy of social-networking. Shameful, I know.

In the end, it is my sincere belief that the men and women of the Twitterverse are a good people. A kind people. A forgiving people.

So, my fellow Twitteronians, I beg your forgiveness for this and any other future offenses to your world.